For me, love language has always been quality time - because in my experience that has been the most rare -

I could relate to a lot you said because I am used to being independent and it takes a lot for me even to give up a little bit if control ( due to past experiences)

I wasn't aware of the orange peel theory

Kindness, trust, mutual respect are all important too - I guess it takes maturity to realize what we want in a relationship - the non negotiables as well as those points we are willing to compromise on and work on