Did He Vanish When He Realized I Was a Brown Girl Who Just Happened to Be Light-Skinned?

The obsessive rumination in the aftermath of being ghosted

Yana Bostongirl
5 min readMar 26, 2024

Racial ambiguity

I once matched with a guy from my home country on a popular dating app. We got to talking and the conversation flowed smoothly. It was only after I referred to something about our country of origin that he paused and asked me where I was from.

He’d obviously been right-swiping without bothering about the fine print. Or maybe it had something to do with me coming across as racially ambiguous at first glance.

Whatever the reason, he was upset that I wasn’t European as he had previously assumed. Then he bluntly told me he wasn’t into dating women from his home country.

Quite frankly it stung. However, the curiosity in me was aroused by this revelation and I rallied with a question as to why he thought that way.

He was not looking for a relationship, he said. Just casual sex with no strings attached. According to him, tangling with a woman from the home country would lead to expectations and he wasn’t ready for that.

At least, he was honest about it.



Yana Bostongirl

My life + relationships + writing journey → my blogs (a memoir in motion)| Boosted Writer| 🌸Substack: Yana's World 👇 https://yanabostongirl.substack.com/